I received an interesting email this morning. My fellow chorister Mike Finesilver has decided on what is probably the most thought-provoking resolution I’ve encountered, and now I’m having a crisis of conscience.

In the changing room at the gym, I overheard two (seemingly Gay) men talking. One mentioning that he was attending a wedding of his niece on New Years Eve and the other talking about his nephew and his nephew’s girlfriend getting married in the Spring.

My resolution began to take shape.

Most of my friends and family are straight. We all grew up being told that to be Gay is not acceptable. I heard nasty homophobic comments all of my early life, especially nasty jokes from supposedly accepting families about their gay relatives.

I live in a country that wants to legislate against homosexuals on the grounds of religion.

As far as Gay Marriage goes I am not really sure that the idea will not lead to give the Gay Bashers more ammunition to attack us, when Gay Divorce becomes the next target.

However, I do believe that all of the arguments against Gay Marriage are Homophobic and affirm that Homosexuals are less than Heterosexuals.

So, my resolution is that until there is Gay Marriage I will not accept an invitation to any straight wedding and therefore also not provide a large and usually overcompensating gift.

I will graciously refuse on the grounds that I would be supporting Heterosexual Supremacy and Legalized Homophobia and will make a contribution in the name of my friends (in honor of their friendship, not marriage) to a Gay Human Rights organization.

While I applaud his resolution, I can’t say that I’d be willing to do the same myself. I know at least one intelligent straight couple who have refused to marry until it becomes legal for everyone, and I wish that more people were willing to do the same. But if I’m invited to the wedding of two people I love, I definitely want to be there, to share that day with them.

So given that I’m not willing to take this step, can I call myself a radical? If I’m a guest at the wedding, am I still welcome in the revolution, or am I a coward and a traitor? Am I sacrificing part of my dignity by giving my validation to a straight couple at their wedding, or could I merely enquire about the politics of the bride and groom before sending the RSVP card?

The issue of giving blood I resolved for myself years ago – I certainly talk to (and frequently argue with) health-care workers I encounter about the need to rescind the archaic rule that prevents thousands of healthy queers from doing a desperately-needed mitzvah. In the meantime, I still go and donate blood and platelets myself on a regular basis, because I want to be certain that there won’t be a shortage when one of those healthy young queers is in need of a transfusion.

But this isn’t a life-or-death issue, so I’m struggling with it. It sounds like such a brilliant idea until I consider the people who would be affected; my straight friends, who would understand my reasoning if they invited me to their weddings and this was my response, but I’m certain would feel hurt and guilty anyway.

I’m not yet ready to make my decision on this, but I will say that it’s a good thing I haven’t been invited recently to any weddings. But if I am invited, and I cave in and go, you can bet that the happy couple will receive (possibly inside a sugar bowl or a wok) a card indicating a donation in their names to the most fabulous organization I can find.