This is a special service announcement:

Do you enjoy the light, airy taste of that “special cracker” that comes out in added quantities right around Easter? Do you think, “my, how splendid! This will go perfect with my assortment of cheese and sun-dried tomato spreads for appetizers!”

Well, NOT THIS YEAR!

This year, we Jews NEED to eat what we know goyim just love to snack on. Every year we get to hear how delighted you are that they’ve arrived on the shelves again, how excited you are to partake of their perfectness. Meanwhile, we’re getting constipated because it’s all we have to eat.

Yes, we actually NEED the matzah.

I know, it’s not your fault that they messed up the orders, the machines went down. Look, we know we’re in rough times all around.

But goyim, we need you to join together with all of us, and say, “Yes! Yes, we can return the airy crackers we love so that Jews can keep Pesach! Yes we can!”

We’d be oh so thankful.

This announcement is endorsed by “Jews who need Matzah for Passover 2008.”